The Dragonsitter's Party Read online

  I knew what would happen next. I had to warn Mister Mysterio. I shouted at him, “Put the rabbit back in the hat!”

  “That’s my next trick,” he said. “First, Henrietta is going to make some lettuce disappear.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of lettuce.

  “Bon appétit, Henrietta,” he said, and gave the lettuce to the rabbit.

  I shouted, “Look out! Behind you!”

  Mister Mysterio just smiled. He said, “This is a magic show, not a pantomime. Let Henrietta eat her lettuce in peace.”

  She can’t have taken more than a nibble before Ziggy swallowed her.

  One gulp and she was gone.

  For a moment, everyone was too surprised to speak.

  Then Mister Mysterio went red in the face and started shouting at the top of his lungs.

  Mom said a self-respecting children’s entertainer ought to be ashamed of himself for using language like that.

  Mister Mysterio just shouted even louder.

  He wanted Mom to pay eight hundred dollars to replace Henrietta.

  Apparently it takes years to train a rabbit.

  Emily asked if he was such a good magician, why couldn’t he magic the rabbit back again?

  I thought that was actually a good suggestion, but Mister Mysterio did not care.

  He said if Mom didn’t write him a check for eight hundred dollars plus his usual fee and expenses right now this minute, he was going to call the police.

  I think he really would have if Gordon hadn’t taken him aside and spoken to him.

  I don’t know what Gordon said, but Mister Mysterio went very quiet. He packed his suitcase and left without even saying good-bye.

  I said maybe he could come back next year to saw Emily in half, and Mom said next year we’re going to the movies instead.

  After that we should have had snack time, but snack time was canceled because the dragons had eaten everything.

  The kitchen door was supposed to be kept shut at all times, but Mister Mysterio must have left it open when he grabbed his coat.

  The dragons didn’t leave anything, not even a single pig in a blanket.

  Arthur even ate the candles from the top of the cake.

  Luckily, none of my friends minded, because we went into the yard and Ziggy let us take turns flying on her back.

  Mom said please don’t go too high or someone will fall off and she’ll never be able to show her face at the playground again.

  Ziggy did not listen. She flew my friend Sam to the roof of the house and left him there for twenty minutes while she was flying the rest of us around.

  When Sam came down, he said it was the best birthday party ever.

  I thought so, too.

  Love from your one-year-older-than-yesterday nephew,

  Eddie

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Saturday, March 25

  Subject: Re: My party

  Dear Eddie,

  You must imagine me clearing my throat and taking a deep breath, then bursting into song:

  Happy birthday to you,

  Happy birthday to you,

  Happy birthday, dear Eddie,

  Happy birthday to you!

  I am so sorry to have missed your party. We had a situation with one of the sheep last night, so it was impossible for me to catch my train to the airport this morning.

  However, you will be glad to hear that her two lambs were delivered in perfect health just after nine o’clock this morning. I have called them Eddie and Emily in your honor.

  I have just looked at the trains and the flights. I could travel south tomorrow morning, but I would arrive at your house just as Gordon was leaving, which seems more than a little ridiculous. Would you mind looking after the dragons for one more night? Then he could bring them home in his car.

  I have not forgotten your magic set, and I shall send it ASAP.

  With much love and many happy returns from your affectionate uncle,

  Morton

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Sunday, March 26

  Subject: Magicians

  Attachments: Hot butt

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I hope you haven’t bought me a magic set for my birthday, because I don’t want one after all.

  I’ve decided I don’t like magicians.

  Today, there was a knock at the door. It was Mister Mysterio.

  He said he’d come for his money.

  He kept shouting and waving his arms in the air.

  Gordon said, “Why don’t we calm down and talk about this like sensible people?”

  Mister Mysterio said he’d had enough talking. He just wanted his money.

  Mom said he had to leave right now or she was going to call the police.

  Mister Mysterio said he’d already done that himself, but they weren’t interested. They told him that if he called them with any more stories about rabbits and dragons, they would arrest him for wasting police time.

  He said we’d have to sort this out between ourselves.

  He said he wasn’t going anywhere until we paid him.

  He said he’d stay here all week if he had to.

  He probably would have if Ziggy hadn’t come to see what all the fuss was about.

  That was when I realized Mister Mysterio wasn’t a real magician.

  A real magician would know it’s not a good idea to shove a dragon.

  For a moment, Ziggy stayed absolutely still.

  All that moved was the smoke trickling out of her nostrils.

  Then she went wild.

  Mister Mysterio ran down the street with his butt on fire.

  Gordon says he won’t be coming back in a hurry.

  Mom is worried he will, so she’s asked Gordon to stay one more night.

  She asks, can you carry on lambing?

  Love,

  Eddie

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Sunday, March 26

  Subject: Re: Magicians

  Dear Eddie,

  Please tell your mother that I am actually tremendously busy at the moment and can hardly spare any time away from my desk.

  I should be preparing for my next trip abroad. I will be traveling to Tibet to search for the yeti.

  If Gordon is unable to return to Scotland tonight, I shall of course put my work aside and return to the lambs.

  But I would be grateful if he could hurry home as soon as possible.

  Morton

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Monday, March 27

  Subject: ETD

  Attachments: Packing

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  You’ll be glad to hear Gordon is loading his car now, and his ETD is 8:15 a.m.

  Mom is making him a thermos of extra-strong coffee and some sandwiches.

  I’ve made goody bags for Ziggy and Arthur.

  They’ve got chocolate bars, gummy bears, soda bottles, and sparkling lemonade.

  Gordon is going to drive all day. If the traffic isn’t too bad, he and the dragons should be home in time for dinner.

  Love,

  Eddie

  P.S. If you don’t know what ETD means, it means Estimated Time of Departure.

  P.P.S. Emily says please don’t forget the photo of the lambs.

  P.P.P.S. Your trip to Tibet sounds very interesting. Can I come, too? I’ve always wanted to see a yeti.

  P.P.P.P.S. Have you ever read an e-mail with so many P.S.s?

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Tuesday, March 28

  Subject: Re: ETD

  Attachments: Eddie and Emily

  Dear Eddie,

  I’m very pleased to report that the dragons are safely back at home. As I write, Ziggy and Arthur are lying on the carpet at my feet, looking as happ
y as happy can be.

  Junk food obviously suits them. I have rarely seen either of them looking so healthy. I shall have to ask Mrs. McPherson at the post office to start stocking gummy bears.

  Mr. McDougall was delighted to see Gordon and sent him straight out to work in the fields. I believe he has delivered three lambs already.

  I attached a picture for Emily.

  You can tell her that these two lambs were helped into the world by her uncle and are now wandering happily around Mr. McDougall’s fields.

  For you, my dear nephew, I have put a small birthday present in the mail. I’m sorry that it will be a couple of days late, but I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway.

  Thanks again for looking after the dragons so well.

  With love from your affectionate uncle,

  Morton

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Wednesday, March 29

  Subject: Your package

  Attachments: My best present

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  Thank you for the egg!

  It’s my best birthday present.

  In fact, I think it’s my best present ever.

  I know you said it probably won’t hatch, but I’m going to leave it in my sock drawer anyway.

  Then if a dragon does come out, it will be nice and cozy.

  Please say hello to Ziggy and Arthur from me. I hope you’re keeping them away from the lambs.

  Emily says thank you for the picture and she has never seen anything so cute.

  Mom is a bit sad. I think she’s missing Gordon. If you see him, please ask him to come visit us again soon.

  The dragons are invited, too, of course.

  Love,

  Eddie

  Barnacle, Mullet & Crabbe

  Attorneys-at-Law

  147 Lordship Lane, London EC1V 2AX

  [email protected]

  Thursday, March 30

  Dear Mr. Pickle,

  I have been instructed by my client, Barry Daniels, also known as The Amazing Mister Mysterio, to pursue a claim for damages against you and your pet or pets.

  Our client was booked to perform a magic show at the birthday party of Edward Smith-Pickle on Saturday, March 25.

  He had performed a little less than half of his usual routine when a creature, species unknown, pushed him aside and ate his rabbit, Henrietta.

  Our client has been informed that the creature belongs to you, and therefore you bear full responsibility for its actions and its consequences.

  Our client will accept a minimum payment of eight hundred dollars for the loss of his rabbit.

  Henrietta had undergone two years of intensive training and had assisted our client in more than seventy magic shows. His business has been severely disrupted by her loss.

  Our client also wishes to be reimbursed for his full fee and expenses for the magic show.

  Finally, our client wishes to be reimbursed for one pair of brown trousers, which were damaged in a fire caused by your pet or pets.

  A bill is enclosed.

  Our client would be grateful for the full sum of the payment within seven days.

  Yours sincerely,

  Bartholomew Crabbe

  Senior Partner

  Barnacle, Mullet & Crabbe

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Bartholomew Crabbe

  Date: Friday, March 31

  Subject: Henrietta

  Attachments: Bunnies

  Dear Mr. Crabbe,

  Thank you for your letter about your client, Barry Daniels, also known as The Amazing Mister Mysterio.

  I was very sorry to hear about Henrietta and her unfortunate accident. As an animal lover myself, I can appreciate how upsetting it must have been for your client.

  I will, of course, provide him with a replacement, although I would rather not pay eight hundred dollars. That does seem awfully expensive for a rabbit, however well-trained.

  I have an abundance of rabbits on my island. They are always eating my lettuce. Mister Mysterio is welcome to take as many as he wants.

  Perhaps he could teach me some magic at the same time.

  I have spoken to my sister, who told me that she has already sent a check to Mr. Daniels for his fee and expenses.

  I suggested that she should only pay half his fee, since he only performed half his magic, but she has paid the full amount.

  If I were Mr. Daniels, I should think myself very lucky.

  With all best wishes,

  Morton Pickle

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  Party Cupcakes

  Gordon doesn’t just make tasty oatmeal—he’s also a star baker! Ask an adult to help you make these delicious cupcakes the next time you’re having a party.

  You will need:

  • 1 cup butter, softened

  • 1 cup granulated sugar

  • 2 large eggs, beaten (chicken, not dragon)

  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  • 1 cup flour, sifted

  • 1 teaspoon baking powder

  • 1–2 tablespoons of milk

  • Icing tubes

  • Silver candy balls

  • Measuring cups and spoons

  • Cupcake pan with 12 cups

  • Baking cups

  • Bowl

  • Hand mixer

  • Wooden spoon

  • Oven

  • Oven mitts

  • Toothpick

  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F and line the pan with baking cups.

  2. Beat the butter and sugar together in a bowl with the hand mixer until pale and creamy.

  3. Dribble in the beaten egg slowly as you mix. Then add the vanilla extract.

  4. Add the flour and baking powder. Use the wooden spoon to mix thoroughly.

  5. Add a little milk to make the mixture a bit more runny. It should drop off a spoon.

  6. Divide the mixture between the cups, making sure they are only half full.

  7. Get an adult to help you put the pan in the oven. Bake for 12–15 minutes, until the cupcakes are light brown and have risen to the top of the pan.

  8. Wearing oven mitts, take the cupcakes out of the oven and test one with a toothpick—if it comes out clean, the cake is done. Remove the cupcakes from the pan after 10 minutes and leave to cool on a rack for a couple of hours.

  9. Now you can have fun decorating your cupcakes! Why not use a green icing tube to draw a fierce dragon head and use silver candy balls for eyes?

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Saturday, April 15

  Subject: We’ve arrived!

  Attachments: View; That’s my bed!

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  Here is the view from our hotel window. If you look very closely, you can see Big Ben.

  As you can also see, your dragons are fine. They both had a good dinner. Now they’re fast asleep.

  Dad didn’t actually want to bring them. He asked Mom to take them to Paris, but she said, “No way.” She said she didn’t want two badly behaved dragons spoiling her romantic weekend with Gordon.

  Dad said wasn’t a romantic weekend in Paris a bit of a cliché, and Mom said she’d rather have a cliché than nothing at all, which was all he used to give her.

  Gordon looked really embarrassed while they were shouting at one another, but Emily and I didn’t mind. We’re used to it.

  Mom won. So the dragons are here. I have brought the egg, too, just in case it hatches. I wouldn’t want a new dragon to arrive in an empty house.

  I have to go now. Dad says it’s bedtime. First thing
tomorrow morning we’re visiting the Natural History Museum.

  Emily wants to go on the London Eye, which is a huge Ferris wheel, instead, but Dad says we’ll do that the day after.

  I hope you’re having fun in Tibet. Have you seen the yeti yet?

  Love,

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Sunday, April 16

  Subject: Bad news

  Attachments: Croissant; T. rex; the blue whale

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I have to tell you some bad news.

  We have lost Arthur.

  He’s somewhere in London, but I don’t know where.

  Today, we went to the Natural History Museum. I’ve always wanted to go there, so I was really excited.