The Dragonsitter Read online

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Friday, August 5

  Subject: Re: Chocolate

  What do you mean, have I tried chocolate?

  Of course I have! I love chocolate.

  I don’t want to be rude, Uncle Morton, but I’m beginning to worry that Mom might be right about you. I’ve been sending you e-mails for almost a whole week now and I’ve been begging you to answer and when you finally do, you just ask if I’ve ever tried chocolate.

  Maybe you really have banged your head!

  Have you?

  If not, then why haven’t you answered any of my other e-mails? Where have you been? And when are you going to come and collect your dragon?

  Eddie

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Friday, August 5

  Subject: Re: Re: Chocolate

  I mean, have you tried giving the dragon chocolate?

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Friday, August 5

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Chocolate

  Attachments: The chocoholic

  It works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Saturday, August 6

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chocolate

  Attachments: Our very own flamethrower

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I’m sorry I haven’t replied more quickly to tell you what happened, but I’ve been too busy feeding the dragon all the chocolate in the house and then going to the store to get some more.

  The dragon is a changed beast.

  Mom says he’s been behaving like a little angel, and he has. He’s stopped stealing food. He poops on the grass. He doesn’t even sit on the sofa anymore. Actually, that’s not quite true, but he gets off as soon as he’s told to.

  Tonight we had a barbecue in our backyard. Your dragon lit the grill.

  Then he ate six hot dogs, three hamburgers, and nine ears of corn. Luckily, Mom had just been to the supermarket, so there was enough for us, too.

  Now your dragon is lying on the floor, looking up at me with his big eyes. I know I shouldn’t give him any more chocolate. But I’m just going to give him one more piece and then it’s time for bed.

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Saturday, August 6

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chocolate

  Attachments: Storytime; Emily’s new best friend

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I thought you might like to know your dragon has now eaten:

  12 bars of milk chocolate

  14 bars of dark chocolate

  6 Twix bars

  1 Crunch bar

  23 boxes of malted milk balls

  The man at the store is starting to look at me in a funny way.

  I thought Mom would mind buying so much candy, but she said, “If he’s happy, I’m happy.”

  He is. Very.

  Even Emily has forgiven him. She seems to have forgotten all about Jemima. I think she’d like to have your dragon as a pet instead.

  She’s even started calling him Cupcake.

  I’ve told her several times that Cupcake isn’t a suitable name for a dragon, but she doesn’t seem to care.

  Does he actually have a name?

  If he doesn’t, I would suggest Desolation. Or Firebreath. Or something like that.

  But not Cupcake.

  I hope you’re enjoying the last few hours of your vacation and managing to get in a last swim and some sunshine. It’s raining here.

  See you tomorrow. Don’t miss your flight!

  Love,

  Eddie

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Saturday, August 6

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:Chocolate

  Attachments: My island; Hotel Bellevue;

  Les Fruits de Mer d’Alphonse

  Hi Eddie,

  Very glad to hear that my tip about chocolate did the trick. It always does with dragons, even the biggest of them. I remember hiking through the mountains of Outer Mongolia with a backpack almost entirely stuffed with candy bars. Without it, I wouldn’t be here today. I fed it all to the biggest dragon I’ve ever seen in my life, a bad-tempered one with teeth as big as my hands and terrible breath.

  I’ll tell you the whole story when I see you, but I don’t have time now. I’ve got to be quick. I’m in the airport and my flight leaves any minute. But I wanted to write to you and say I AM SO VERY SORRY for not reading your messages earlier in the week. I could have checked my e-mail at the hotel, but I had resolved not to interrupt my vacation. That was stupid of me, I know, and I am exceedingly apologetic. I only looked yesterday because I had heard a rumor from a fellow guest that there has been terrible flooding in Lower Bisket, the town opposite my island. I have several good friends living there, so I wanted to check that they were safe. (You’ll be glad to know that the floods were actually in Upper Buckett, which is quite different.)

  I’m very sorry, too, that my naughty little dragon has been behaving so badly. Were my instructions no use at all? I was quite sure I had included the tip about chocolate.

  Will you please apologize to your mother about the mix-up over hotels? I had been planning to stay at the Hotel Splendide, which is why your mother had that address and phone number. On arrival, I discovered that the chef, the famous Alphonse Mulberry, had quarreled with the owner and moved to an establishment in the next town along the coast. So I moved there, too. I’m glad I did. His cooking is even more spectacular than I had remembered.

  For some reason, I don’t appear to have your mother’s e-mail address, which is why I’m sending this to you. Please apologize to her on my behalf. I have bought her an enormous chunk of Roquefort as a present. I know how much she likes cheese.

  They’re calling my flight. I’d better go and get on line. I’ll see you very soon.

  Lots of love from your affectionate and apologetic uncle,

  Morton

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Monday, August 8

  Subject: Au revoir

  Attachments: Mom and her hose

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I hope you had a good journey home. Did the dragon behave himself on the train?

  Mom put up the new curtains, and she’s ordered another fridge from the store. She says she never liked the petunias, and she’s decided to plant roses instead. She’s going to spend the rest of your money on new carpeting for all our bedrooms.

  She loves the cheese, by the way.

  I don’t. It smells awful. Sorry for saying so, but it does.

  Emily says thank you for the stuffed monkey. She says he’s almost as good as Jemima. I think he’s even better. At least he doesn’t need to be fed. Also, he can sleep in her bed instead of that cage in the backyard.

  And thanks very much for the books. They’ll be really useful if I ever learn French.

  You know your list of instructions? Well, Mom finally found it behind the sofa. We’ve read it now. You did say the thing about chocolate, and lots of other useful stuff, too. If only we’d found the list before!

  Mom says she thinks you just put the list there when you came to collect the dragon, but I told her not to be so silly.

  Mrs. Kapelski’s cats have started coming into the yard again. Mom chased them out with a hose. She said, “I wish that dragon was still here.” Then she looked at me very quickly and said, “I don’t really.”

  But I think she does.

  I do, too.

  He made everything very difficult, but he was fun, too.

  I hope you’re having a good time back home on your island.

  By the way, when I said I’d like to visit, I really did mean it.

  Will you send an official invitation to Mom? O
therwise, she’s never going to let me.

  Emily would like to come too, but I told her she’s too young. She is, isn’t she? She might fall off a cliff or something.

  Lots of love from your favorite nephew,

  Eddie

  P.S. Please give Ziggy a chocolate bar from me.

  For more great reads and free samplers, visit

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  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Monday, October 17

  Subject: Bad news

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I know you don’t want to be disturbed, but I have to tell you some very bad news.

  Ziggy has disappeared.

  Mom says he was asleep on the carpet when she went to bed, but this morning he was nowhere to be seen.

  I’m really sorry, Uncle Morton. We’ve only been looking after him for one night, and he’s run away already.

  He must hate being here.

  Actually, he did seem depressed when you dropped him off. I bought him a box of malted milks balls as a present, but he didn’t eat a single one.

  I’ve been reading your notes. There’s lots of useful information about mealtimes and clipping his claws, but nothing about what to do if he disappears.

  Should we be searching for him, Uncle Morton? If so, where?

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Monday, October 17

  Subject: Still missing

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  We’re back from school and Ziggy still isn’t here.

  While we were walking home, Emily said she saw him having a snack in the café.

  I was already running to fetch him when she yelled, “Just kidding!”

  I don’t know why she thinks she’s funny, because she’s really not.

  Mom called Mr. McDougall. He said he would row to your island first thing tomorrow morning and look for Ziggy. He can’t go now because there’s a storm.

  I’ll let you know as soon as we hear from him.

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Monday, October 17

  Subject: READ THIS FIRST!

  Attachments: Closet

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  Don’t worry about my other two emails. We have found Ziggy.

  He was in the linen closet. I suppose he’d crawled in there because it’s nice and warm.

  Mom was actually the one who found him. You would have thought she’d be pleased, but, in fact, she was furious. She said she didn’t want a dirty dragon messing up her clean sheets. She grabbed him by the nose and tried to pull him out. He didn’t like that at all. Luckily, Mom moved fast or he would have burned her hand off.

  I think she’s going to charge you for repainting the wall. There’s a big brown patch where he scorched the paint.

  I still think he might be depressed.

  We had mac and cheese for dinner. I saved some for Ziggy and left it outside the linen closet. When I checked just now, he hadn’t even touched it.

  But at least he’s here and not wandering the streets.

  Love,

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Tuesday, October 18

  Subject: Ziggy

  Attachments: Show-and-tell

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I just wanted to tell you nothing has changed.

  Ziggy won’t move from the linen closet.

  He still hasn’t eaten a thing. Not even one malted milk ball.

  I’m really quite worried about him.

  To be honest, I’m also a bit annoyed, because I had been planning to take him to school today.

  When I told Miss Brackenbury why I hadn’t brought anything for show-and-tell, she just laughed and said I could do it next week instead.

  I hope Ziggy will have come out of hiding by then.

  Eddie

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Edward Smith-Pickle

  Date: Wednesday, October 19

  Subject: Re: Ziggy

  Attachments: The yoga retreat

  Hi Eddie,

  Sorry I haven’t replied earlier, but we’re forbidden from using any electronic devices at the retreat.

  I have sneaked down to the village to read my mail.

  Please tell your mother that I’m very sorry about her linens and will, of course, buy her a new set of everything. And don’t worry about Ziggy’s appetite: If he gets hungry, he will eat.

  Thanks again for looking after him. I would never have been able to come here otherwise.

  The retreat is exhausting and strangely wonderful. We are woken at five o’clock in the morning and spend four hours sitting in silence before breakfast. The rest of the day is devoted to yoga, pausing only for a meal of vegetable curry and rice. My mind is clear and my body contorts into shapes that would have been impossible only last week.

  Love from your affectionate uncle,

  Morton

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Thursday, October 20

  Subject: Important question

  Attachments: Egg

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  Are you sure Ziggy is a boy?

  I think he might be a girl.

  I mean, I think she might be a girl.

  You’re probably wondering why I’m thinking this, and the answer is very simple.

  She has laid an egg in the linen closet.

  Now I understand why she likes being in there. Not only is it nice and warm, but she’s built herself a nest from Mom’s clean sheets and towels.

  The egg is green and shiny and about the size of a bike helmet.

  Do you think I could take it to school next week for show-and-tell?

  I promise I won’t drop it.

  Ziggy still isn’t eating. Mom says she was ravenous when she was pregnant with me and Emily, but maybe dragons are different.

  Eddie

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Friday, October 21

  Subject: Crack!

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  There is a tiny crack in the egg. I’m sure it wasn’t there yesterday.

  Mom says I have to go to school, but I don’t want to. What if the baby comes when I’m not here?

  She’s calling me. I’ve got to go.

  It’s so unfair!

  If you get this, please, please, please will you call Mom and tell her someone needs to stay with the egg?

  E

  From: Edward Smith-Pickle

  To: Morton Pickle

  Date: Friday, October 21

  Subject: Cracking

  Dear Uncle Morton,

  I’m glad to say the baby hasn’t arrived yet.

  When Mom picked us up and brought us home, I went straight upstairs to the linen closet.

  The egg was still there.

  It has changed, though. It’s covered in more cracks.

  Also, it keeps shaking and shuddering as if something is stirring under the surface.

  I’m not going to sleep tonight.

  Eddie

  KEEP READING

  for more from

  Uncle Morton!

  Instructions for Dragonsitting

  Ziggy has an excellent appetite and will happily snack all day long, but I try to restrict his mealtimes to the same as mine.

  He will eat anything except curry and porridge.

  Please don’t give him ice cream. It wreaks havoc with his digestion. He does love it, though, so don’t leave any within reach.

  Don’t forget: Dragons will do anything for chocolate! I usually keep several bars of milk and dark chocolate for emergencies.

  Ziggy isn’t an energetic creature. He usually sleeps all night and most of the day, and requires only a little gentle exercise. If he’s feeling
restless, he’ll take himself for a quick flight and be home in time for dinner.

  I usually let him outside to do his business after breakfast and before bedtime. Accidents will happen, and I shall, of course, compensate you for any damage.

  He is perfectly happy curling up anywhere, even on the hardest cold stone floor, but will be grateful for a couple of cushions. Please don’t let him sleep in your bed—I don’t want him getting into bad habits.

  I have clipped his claws, so you shouldn’t need to. If you do, I recommend garden shears.

  If his rash recurs, call Isobel Macintyre, our vet in Lower Bisket. See the other sheet for her number. She knows Ziggy well and could help in a crisis.

  If you have a nonmedical emergency, try Mr. McDougall.

  Thanks again for looking after Ziggy. See you soon.

  M

  From: Morton Pickle

  To: Alice Brackenbury

  Date: Tuesday, September 6

  Subject: Re: School visit

  Dear Miss Brackenbury,

  Thank you so much for your delightful e-mail. There was no need to introduce yourself; Eddie has told me how much he enjoys your lessons, which, I can assure you, is a great compliment from my nephew.

  I’m touched and flattered by your suggestion that I visit the school and give a talk about my travels. I have indeed been to some extraordinary places, and I always enjoy chatting about the months I spent tagging penguins in Patagonia or my voyage in a leaky canoe down the farthest tributaries of the Amazon.